Some people have a WORD. I’m not sure if they chose it or if they completed an online quiz and were assigned one, but (the way I understand it) this word is something they’re focusing on for a time. A concept or life goal they want to meditate on for a month, a year. Maybe more. I don’t know. I’ve never had a word.
I’m not sure how this is supposed to work, but lately I’m sensing a theme in my life. If I were to have a word, the one that has risen to the top of this particular season in my journey is: COURAGE. Several weeks ago I blogged about being brave, and here I am returning to familiar territory. I guess I have more to say on the matter.
Maybe I’m preoccupied because I’m getting older and I just don’t have time for the things that used to give me pause. Maybe I’m conquering my own fears and hangups, realizing that life is too short to be timid. Whatever the case, I celebrated another birthday this weekend and it was an opportunity for me to reflect on who I am and who I want to be–as a wife, mother, author, and so much more. My entire list requires courage. A willingness to step outside of my comfort zone and allow myself to live and love more extravagantly. The confidence to write and reach out and be present in a way that scares me a little.
A few of my goals:
- I want to go deeper in my relationships. Friendship in particular hasn’t always been easy for me, and I feel like I have been holding myself at arm’s length from many people for far too long. I want richer, stronger friendships. Vulnerability is scary, but I want to love and live loved. It seems worth the cost.
- I want to write the most honest, personal book I’ve ever written. There is always a bit of me in my books, but my current manuscript deals with motherhood in many different forms… And I’m finding it to be a bit unnerving. As my own insecurities about the many ways I fail as a mother rise to the surface, I want to have the courage to continue writing truthfully–even when it hurts.
- I want to have the audacity to take care of myself as I continue to love and serve the little people around me. Don’t get me wrong, motherhood is, by definition, an act of selflessness parallel to none, and I happily and repeatedly sacrifice for my children. My kids are not a burden or an inconvenience, they are the very light of my life and I derive more joy from being their mommy than anything else I have ever done or will ever do in this world. But the love I reserve for them is singular–there is none leftover for me. And, you know? That’s just wrong. How can I serve from an empty well?
Little things, right? Nothing major or life-changing. Nothing profound. But then, courage is often revealed in the details. A simple kindness. A hand outstretched. A single moment in time when we swallow the lump in our throat and go for it. And all those little things together? They change you.
How about you, friends? I know you’re on a journey, too. What are you afraid of? What act of courage is keeping you from life abundant, from love with your arms wide open? Don’t think you can do it? I know you can. In fact, I dare you. 😉